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[Nov. 15th, 2004|05:36 pm] |
so...fightings dumb
i have no idea who my real friends are anymore. all people are stupid.
so..what have i been up to lately...not like anyone cares...
um...just been going to the hospital alot. all this stupid fighting really shouldnt be getting to me. ive got more important stuff to worry about right now. i miss like having everything normal. mission bay is my best bet for that. dont comment. i dont care. im just over all this shit. last entry. i hate this thing. |
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[Oct. 23rd, 2004|03:54 pm] |
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have you ever wondered what your life would be like in a year or so if you changed something right now...if you did something about that pain inside you that just wont go away....
i have....i just dont know what to do about it |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2004|08:40 pm] |
all my friends have been weird around me lately and it sucks. anyways
kaylees grounded for the rest of forever probably. so i have no life. its gonna be exciting.
haha me and my dad made this deal that if i live by "his rules" then he'll take care if the bills. its not working to well because he isnt paying them. like i currently cant call out on my phone til someone pays it. and our house phone is off. and like everything is gonna go off soon.
anyways...lots of love to all... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2004|10:29 pm] |
I dont think i have to move. But if i do i move to ventura. I hate it there. Its more boring then here. If i get the loan thou then we also get a new car. But ill be paying it off til im like 50. lol...not that old but you get the point.
But anyways...didnt really do anything this weekend. Went to the sqaure friday night with chris and matt. I get really cold really easily. Me and my mom also got in a fight that night. Over money. yea you would think she wouldnt get pissed off since im helping her. Shes just crazy.
Lots of love to everyone...even thou i seriously doubt anyone reads this. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2004|07:47 pm] |
i havent posted for a while. not alot has happend thou. so its ok.
um....last friday kaylee spent the night and we went to the movies and took my little sister cause she cool. we saw the forgotten. it was pretty good. i got scared and at this one part i swallowed my gum. and i swear to you i like almost died. it was funny thou. but we had fun that night then went shopping the next day. i miss hanging out with her.
nothing exciting ever happens to me.
oo like ok my parents are poor. so we cant pay for the house. and so in 2 FREAKING DAYS!!!!!!! if we dont pay it i have to move. its so horrible. so i guess were selling. cause like normally i can pull us out of all this. but its way more money then i even have on my spending limit and anyways my credit card doesnt work anymore. spencers is the only place that take its. even thou im not sure why.
but yea i dont wanna move. i will seriously cry if they sell my house. even thou i hate it here. its still home. its like where would i rather move? away from my friends is whats gonna end up happening and thats the last thing that i want....i think....
but anyways....me and courtney ditched and went to san diego high today. it was so much fun. i totally have no attention spand at all. there classes are really long even thou it was like a short day. but it was so much fun. we had to take the bus and they trolly. and we totally got soooo lost. like we got there cause we followed some girl. and then on campus it was huge!!!! i had a great time so its all cool.
today was my moms birthday. i made her a cake
sorry the entry is soo long. i dont update every often anymore
lots of love to everyone!!!! <3333 |
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| today by far was the worst day of my life |
[Sep. 20th, 2004|04:03 pm] |
so yea. sorry to anyone who had to deal with me today. sorry if you dont wanna hear what happend just skip over that big blob below.
today um yea was a bad day. not going into much detail of why it was a bad day cause its really personal and cause it will make me cry again.
but yea i took like 19 pills. i think thats it. then i was happy. very happy. pills make me happy. so then i get a call at lunch. and there i go. my emotions took over the pills. and trust me that doesnt happen very often.
so i was like crying and stuff. and courtney and kaylee were totally the only 2 people who care. everyone else just sat there.
so then i was like having mood swings like crazy. i was crying then i was happy. thats what pills do to you. and i couldnt walk. i walked worse then i do when im drunk. lol. so it was bad. so courtney and kaylee made me eat. which was good cause i would have passed out. i then got another call. not very good at all. worse then before actually.
they walked me to class. and then i just sat there. no one talked to me. it made me even worse cause i really really needed to talk to someone.
so then my next class i got all pail and my teacher sent me to the nurse. and i went and they gave me this crap food and it made me sick. yea thats what made me sick..lol...anyways...i was better on the walking part after school.
but after school i just sat in del taco. and cried cause i got another call. then i got all happy cause everyone was all just sitting there looking at me and it was bugging me. i felt bad i was ruining there day.
oo i had 3 panic attacks today. one was in class and the only person who actually knew what was going on just sat there. it kinda made me mad. cause i couldnt breath and shit and they just kinda sat there. so yea
um...then i talked to jessica. im so sorry jessica. really. please dont be mad at me.
so now im home all alone. yea tonights gonna be fun. just thought i would inform you all of that. sorry
I LOVE YOU COURTNEY AND KAYLEE!!!!
lots of love to anyone who cares... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2004|11:47 am] |
i dont feel good. i dont know why. well i do but i shouldnt like physically not feel good.
i think i have a problem. yesturday i took like 12 to many pills. my first reaction when i hear really bad news is to take as many pills as i can find. and i think its making me sick. i cant stop. i do it when im stressed. this is like my way of getting out my pain. i dont hurt my self on the outside. but then someone can see whats wrong. i only do like damage inside me which isnt much better but no one can see it. im killing myself from the inside out.
yesturday i was one of the worst days of my life and i had no one to talk to to make me feel better. im lonely. and it sucks. i stayed home all night like a dumbass and left my head think which is something i shouldnt let it do cause it just makes everything worse. i cant show emotion in front of people. only when im by my self. i need someone to make me feel better cause i cant do it myself anymore
well for anyone who remotely knows whats going on she survied the surgery but thats not the part im afraid of. ill hopefully know by tomorrow morning. shes not allowed visitors either.
so im gonna stop complaining. cause ur all probably getting annoyed.
call me if you wanna do something soon.
<3's |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2004|06:24 pm] |
so um...school is school...im not dieing so i guess its not that bad
friday first time ive been forgotten this year...my guess is this is gonna happen alot
friday night i babysat then went to the sqaure around 10pm with matt and chris. i was planning on walking home but nooo matt couldnt so i called my mom but she was ok with it cause she likes him more then me. lol. but it was pretty fun i guess
i was supposed to go shopping with jimmy saturday but i slept til 1pm and i had to take my sister to her cheer game at 3pm so it didnt work. sorry jimmy but we totally will go shopping sometime!!
saturday night went to the sqaure with mark. i saw resident evil...thats a really good movie.
today i went shopping with kaylee and got a shit load of stuff. now im home and bored.
call me sometime if anyone wants to hangout.
lots of love to anyone who takes the time to read this!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2004|04:09 pm] |
so school isnt as bad as i thought it was gonna be
but its way way way to hot
i got my locker today. i cant say no to people so of course i share with kaylee. and brocks keeping 3 books in there. and then i also told matt he could put his in there. he paid some of the money so its ok.
i was kinda mad in the last entry...sorry
so i have a really big problem. rather not dicuss it in here. but yea. i need help
well i wanna hangout with all of you all soon...call me
lots of love!! |
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